Finding Truth in Truth

Truth. You’d think it would be simple, right? Look up the answer in a book, ask an expert, or even ask your mom. Moms know everything, after all. However, when it comes to food, I can’t seem to find the truth. Or, perhaps, there are too many truths, which seems to be the case when it comes to food. There are two major schools of thought that I am constantly bouncing between: traditional and vegan.

The first of these schools is the traditional diet rich in animal fat, bone broth, raw milk, and fermented foods. The traditional method of eating is endorsed by Weston A. Price, Sally Fallon, and many others. According to their research, people thrived on these diets throughout the centuries past and it is just now with our standard American diets (SAD) that we are starting to have diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, and even cancer. The proponents of these foods claim that our health as a nation is declining because of the increase in consumption of white flour, sugar, processed foods, and genetically modified foods (GMOs). Their solution is to eat a diet rich in the things that most doctors tell us to avoid – fats. Butter, meats, eggs, and yogurts are all staples of this diet. However, these are the foods labeled as “problematic” by our trusted sources such as the American Heart Association.

On the other hand, many weight loss, diet, and health coaches emphasize vegan or vegetarian diets as the most beneficial at reducing risk for man-made disease and for weight loss. Reduction of risk plus a healthy weight equals longevity, right? Vegan diets seem very new age and trendy. They seem to be part of a solution for our growing health problems. They restrict animal products in all forms and emphasize organic fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and some soy products. The downfall of the vegan diet, however, seems to be party its restrictiveness and partly the fact that very few, if any, soy products are available from non-GMO crops. The premise of this lifestyle is to feel good about what you are eating and feel good about helping the planet through a reduced carbon footprint. Also, you will be saving the lives of thousands of animals by not eating them.

The confusion continues… Switching between these two lifestyles, since they are such polar opposites, can wreck havoc on the body. The best choice seems to be to choose one lifestyle and stick with it, but the original question remains: how does one know if the truth presented by authorities is truly true?

Instead

 

I look inside the depths of my soul but instead of light there's just a black hole.

I look within to find out who I want to be but instead I find the empty shell of me.

I seek solace in the words of men of God but instead I find lies and fraud.

Then I turn to the caressing whispers of nigh but instead I find they are only saying goodbye.

I seek wisdom from pages long since yellowed with age but instead I find merely lies on the page.

I pull myself close to heal my wounds but instead I feel the pull of the moon.

I heed its call with my soul as offering but instead I find myself more suffering.

I came to you then with my soul laid bare but instead you turned and left it there.

Instead of love, instead of life, instead of wisdom, I have this life.

It's a life I can't live for another day so instead I will just be on my way.

Thinking about food too much…

I think I may have an eating disorder of some sort. I think about, read about, and obsess over food constantly. I get worked up over what is "best" whether it is traditional foods along the vein of Nourishing Traditions and Weston A Price, vegan eating because it is not cruel to animals, or even the other restrictive diets like gluten free. I read about them, study them, research them to the ends of the internet, and finally I get so frustrated and confused that I binge.

 

In high school, I fought with mild anorexia - I wouldn't eat but maybe 500-800 calories a day for weeks at a time, and then I would binge. I would carry around a huge bag of M&M's and eat on them all day. I would hide in the bathroom (still do) and eat so that people wouldn't see me. I never purged, so I don't think it was bulimia, but I thought I was a huge cow at 120 pounds (5'7").

 

Now, I am grossly overweight and still obsessed about food. I read and study things like the Weston A Price site that pushes bone broths, meats, raw dairy, etc. And then I vomit when I try to cook meat. I just cannot stand the appearance or smell of raw meat. Now, if I go through the Chick-fil-A drive thru, I can put back some chicken nuggets.

Then I start to thinking maybe I should just give up meat. I research vegetarianism and then read about vegans and think, "Gosh, being just vegetarian or just eating fish isn't even close to good enough! I should be a vegan!" And then I give that a go and get frustrated and binge again.

I know that most, if not all, eating disorders have most to do with control, so that's one reason I think I have an eating disorder.

Since I often hide and eat (or hit a drive thru and then hide the "evidence" of my excursion), I started looking and found this online:

Binge eating disorder (BED) - when a person can't control the desire to overeat and often keeps the extreme eating a secret. People with this eating disorder feel no control during the times they are eating to excess. During binge eating, a person may eat more quickly than normal, eat until feeling discomfort, eat large amounts of food when not hungry, and eat alone. Unlike bulimia and anorexia, a person doesn't try to rid the body of extra food by doing things like vomiting, fasting, or exercising to the extreme. Because of this, many people who have this illness are overweight. A person can feel , shame, and guilt during a binge, which can lead to bingeing again, causing a cycle of binge eating. Like with anorexia, people with BED can fear gaining weight, want to lose weight, and dislike the way their bodies look. BED most often starts in the late teenage years or early adult years. Some experts believe BED is the most common eating disorder. The illness often develops soon after extreme weight loss from a diet. BED can be hard to diagnose and can be mistaken for other causes of obesity (being overweight). People with BED are often overweight because they maintain a high calorie diet without exercising. Medical problems can happen, like those found with obesity, such as high cholesterol levels, high blood pressure, and diabetes. BED also increases a person's risk for gallbladder disease, heart disease, and some types of cancer. People with BED often suffer from depression.

I also found this information, which seems to relate to my complete obsession with figuring which school of thought is the "Healthiest" option.

Orthorexia Nervosa
Many of the most unbalanced people I have ever met are those who have devoted themselves to healthy eating. In fact, I believe some of them have actually contracted a novel eating disorder for which I have coined the name "orthorexia nervosa." The term uses "ortho," meaning straight, correct, and true, to modify "anorexia nervosa." Orthorexia nervosa refers to a pathological fixation on eating proper food.
Orthorexia begins, innocently enough, as a desire to overcome chronic illness or to improve general health. But because it requires considerable willpower to adopt a diet that differs radically from the food habits of childhood and the surrounding culture, few accomplish the change gracefully. Most must resort to an iron self-discipline bolstered by a hefty dose of superiority over those who eat junk food. Over time, what to eat, how much, and the consequences of dietary indiscretion come to occupy a greater and greater proportion of the orthorexic's day.
The act of eating pure food begins to carry pseudospiritual connotations. As orthorexia progresses, a day filled with sprouts, umeboshi plums, and amaranth biscuits comes to feel as holy as one spent serving the poor and homeless. When an orthorexic slips up (which may involve anything from devouring a single raisin to consuming a gallon of Haagen Dazs ice cream and a large pizza), he experiences a fall from grace and must perform numerous acts of penitence. These usually involve ever-stricter diets and fasts.
This "kitchen spirituality" eventually reaches a point where the sufferer spends most of his time planning, purchasing, and eating meals. The orthorexic's inner life becomes dominated by efforts to resist temptation, self-condemnation for lapses, self-praise for success at complying with the chosen regime, and feelings of superiority over others less pure in their dietary habits.

Maybe I am just a messed up mess…but maybe I need to go to meetings!      AAAAAHHHH!

Perhaps I think about grammar too much…

The Preposition Song

Over, around, under, beside

Watch that plane fly high in the sky.

Preposition, preposition

Won’t you give it a try…

Below the sun, above the trees

Flying through with the greatest ease.

Preposition, preposition

Try it and you’ll see.

Around, about, through and through

Preposition, I’m gonna sing it to you.

Preposition, preposition, you know it’s true!

So preposition, let’s review.

The plane can fly over, under, all around

And when it lands on the ground,

You will be so very proud.

You’ve accomplished your mission with great ambition

Of learning about the preposition!

~Sing a Song for Me~

Sing a song for me
and let me hear the words written for my ears
Words to dry my tears and words to ease my fears
Sing a song for me
I’ll listen to the melody, let it move my body
Listen to the harmony, let it stir my soul
Sing a song for me
Chase away the nightmares that shatter my dreams
A lonely place where nothing is what it seems
Sing a song for me
and look me in the eyes.
Sing a song for me
but please don’t sing me lies
Sing a song for me
until the firelight dies

I thought of you today...

I thought of you today as I do once in a while

Memories of our times spent together always make me smile

The years have passed in the blink of an eye

But, my friend, I am not ready to say goodbye

Perhaps in God's garden we'll meet again someday

For your life and our memories, each day I pray

Fearful of forgetting the way we were so many years past

Fearful of a day coming that may be our last

The secrets we shared and the chances we took

Will live in my heart like an unfinished book

Across these many miles I wish you could know

That the world is not ready to let you go

In The Night

The sound is fury pouring down on my head.
The roar in my ears I have come to dread.

I hardly can think in the still of the night.
Those are the times my fears come to light.

With the blackness all around and static in the air,
My thoughts can’t help but to tarry there.

I wish them away; I wish for sweet dreams
But they visit me anyway, it always seems.

These thoughts consume me and lead me astray
But this too shall pass I try to say.

Without certainty and without conviction
I test the waters of my addiction.

Timidly at first and then I just dive in
And give my mind to the hopelessness within.

As I sink below the surface, I think it is best
But that’s not a theory I really want to test.

So I let my mind wander in the darkness of the night
Because only then does my body know what’s right.

For my body is at rest, however light
And my mind is spinning, preparing for flight.

It’s in these moments that the truth simply hides
But with the rising of the sun comes the changing of the tides.

I suppose this life is always ebb and flow
Much like my thoughts and the directions they go.